The Power of a Dream

This post is brought to you by the letter P.

It was a dream, yet oh so vivid.  It was New Year’s Eve.  In my dream, for some reason, my husband was urging me to write about “power".  The name Faith Popcorn (affiliate link) was mentioned - perhaps because in years past I’ve thought of her as my go-to predictor of the future as each calendar year comes to a close.  In my dream I was craving popcorn, which is not uncommon when I’m awake, truth be told.  I enjoy popcorn for snacking every few days.  Packaging was featured in said dream as well - we are in the packaging business and had been, in real life, diligently churning out product demo videos over the holiday break.

Needless to say, New Year’s Day my first task was to take note of said dream.  Then a reasonably polite interval after breakfast, I made some popcorn. 

Power, popcorn, and packaging.  Obviously popcorn and packaging figure into the scheme of my life on a regular basis.  The word “power” is not one I consider often in relation to my own life.  Why “power”?  After some consideration, I think it may be related to all the talk of New Years resolutions and self-improvement promises swirling around me.  All the promises to exercise more, eat better, quit smoking, refrain from cursing, call Mom weekly.  I think this dream of “power” is a message to myself to reread a book that influenced my thinking more than any other in recent memory:  “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” by Eckhart Tolle’s 1999 self-help book in which Tolle urges us to breathe “the air of the spiritual”.  It was immensely helpful to me when I first read it a couple of years ago in my quest to become a more positive-minded individual.

Time to revisit “The Power of Now” and reinforce Tolle’s message of positivity and enlightenment.  I find the more I seek the type of positivity found in books like Tolle's, the easier it is to maintain a good attitude, even in times of challenge.  To me, that's power.

Make My Day

This is the time of year when many people see only the light at the end of the tunnel. They travel through their day with great purpose, without regard for what is swirling around them, only seeing that there are too many other cars on the road home from the office, no parking spots at the mall or in front of the library. If there are two customers in front of them at the ATM, this throws off their carefully-timed expedition by possibly ten minutes - a catastrophe of epic proportions. Perhaps this person is you.

I was once this person. I occasionally lapse into this behavior even now, grumbling about the lack of carriages or baggers at the grocery, the selection of greeting cards at the drugstore. But it's no fun and spreads irritation and ill-will, so I'm offering myself up as a bad example, in case you find yourself indulging in this type of negative behavior. After all, you're only human. My recommendation to you is that you find a mirror (perhaps you're in the car - the rear-view mirror works fine for this little exercise), look yourself in the eye and laugh. It may feel fake, initially. That's okay - give it a try. It really helps - what friendlier face could you find than your own familiar mug, laughing at yourself? It takes the edge off, you can go about your day feeling sufficiently appreciated. Then take a look around you - drink it all in - and remember to pay that smile, that laugh, forward to the next person you see....it's contagious!

Do it - I promise it'll make your day.

Still need a reason to laugh? Try this laughing baby video (if you're at work, turn the volume down).

I've Heard that Song Before - Recipe for Change

"It seems to me I've heard that song before,
It's from an old familiar score
I know it well that melody."

I was listening to this song last week for the purpose of learning it. It was written by the famous team of Jule Styne and Sammy Cahn, recorded by Harry James and his Orchestra with Helen Forrest on vocals and became a pop hit in early 1943. Like many songs of that era, it speaks to memories and love lost during wartime. Sad, but sweet.

It occurs to me that the lyrics of this song could relate to my life, and how some of the daily tasks or situations in which I find myself have been repeated over and over (I've heard that song before). I thought perhaps, while acknowledging that I recognize that it is a similar tune (I know it well, that melody), I could think of a different way to perform this tune (task or situation) to facilitate a different outcome. Even if the original outcome for me is working just fine.

For instance, I've read that putting your pants on starting with the "other" leg, forces you to reconsider that small act. I've tried this, and find that it does make you think differently, forcing you out of an old habit just for a moment (I habitually start with the right leg). Any yoga or pilates teacher or physical therapist will tell you that switching sides when vacuuming, raking or shoveling snow helps your body be more balanced in its strength and coordination. So although our natural proclivity may be to always vacuum right (or left) handed, it's worth it to give equal time to the other side - I know my brain works harder, less on automatic pilot when I vacuum or shovel left-handed. Perhaps a little slower at first, but I get the job done.

Another way to make a change and promote a different kind of balance: if I normally didn't greet the people I pass on my walks (or the cashier, mail carrier, or woman in the next office cubicle), I could try nodding my head or just saying hello, and see if that helps me feel friendlier and more connected to the people around me. The worst that could happen is that they don't return the favor - the best outcome (and I am one to assume the best of people) is that that friendly gesture makes both me and the recipient of the "hello" feel noticed and appreciated. Small gestures can be very powerful and are not to be underestimated.

Making small changes like this can feel like a challenge at first, but practiced over time, can lead us to more thoughtfulness about our daily life, a feeling of connection with those around us, and a new and satisfying comfort level with change. All of this may engender a renewed feeling of openness and well-being. Positively.

The photo above is of American singer Helen Forrest, who began singing at age 10, in her brother's band, worked for big band leaders Artie Shaw and Bennie Goodman, then Nat King Cole and Lionel Hampton, before being hired by Harry James. She left Harry James' Orchestra in 1943 to pursue a solo career, appearing on radio and in movies before singing with the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra, then led by Sam Donahue (it was the early 1960s). Helen Forrest recorded over 500 songs during her long career and didn't retire until her 70s, when arthritis forced her to give up performing. Given all that she did in her lifetime, she is clearly a great role model for change.

Workday Refreshment: Break Time

Consider this a public service announcement. If I had a megaphone, I might use it, turned up to 11, for this friendly reminder:

Now that Spring appears in the Northeast (as evidenced by the sunshine and green shoots in my yard), remember to step outside at lunch or whenever it's convenient, just for a few minutes. Tree-gazing, flower sniffing, bird-watching, or a quick stroll by the single tree near your office building will do wonders for your attitude and demeanor. Co-workers will think "I'll have what she's having". They may ask whether you've lost weight or had a haircut. You'll have roses in your cheeks and a clear mind. Take a break and refresh yourself - get back to nature, even for five minutes. It'll make your day so much more enjoyable.

Processing

I just had a lovely phone conversation with West Coast Twitter connection Maia Berens. You might know her as @LifeCoachMaia. We connected accidentally, as people often do in the world of social media, and felt a certain kinship over the course of several months, so decided a chat on the phone was in order. We talked about our lives: husbands, kids, various jobs, and life philosophies. Part of the conversation had to do with the philosophy of being in the moment, how the challenges of life force us (or allow us) each to be a work in progress. We agreed that it's crucial to relish the details as we go about the process of life.

After Maia said goodbye and I returned to the sink to finish washing the dinner dishes, I recalled having heard that 20th century painter Norman Rockwell was eternally reluctant to let go of his artworks, even when they would have been deemed complete by anyone else. I'm not sure why that popped into my head, but I think there is a connection here. Even works that were commissioned by patrons of Rockwell with a large paycheck pending at the finish line were unwillingly released. I understand that there may have been issues with depression, and perhaps other things going on, but I'd offer that Mr. Rockwell seemed to truly cherish the process of creating art. At least that's what it looks like to me.

Intentions and goals are worthy and necessary, no doubt, but the road is so much sweeter if you savor the process.

"When I go to farms or little towns, I am always surprised at the discontent I find. And New York, too often, has looked across the sea toward Europe. And all of us who turn our eyes away from what we have are missing life." ~Norman Rockwell

Breaking the Rubber Band

As I walked through the local park a few weeks ago, the sun was shining, the breeze warm, and Umphrey's McGee's "Mantis" was blasting on my iPod. I've taken to listening to that album pretty exclusively while at the gym or outside walking, because it lifts my spirits like no other music. A bit of an obsession, you may think, but I always feel refreshed and full of ideas following an Umphrey's workout session.

One of the lines in the Umphrey's song "Mantis", "Turmoil stands like old rubber bands, unbreaking" started me thinking. The fact is, rubber bands eventually do degrade and break - it has probably happened to you and it stings if one snaps on you while you're trying to wrap it around a pile of books or tuck your hair into a ponytail.

There's no denying that there is turmoil of all types in our world. The smaller stuff (spilling your coffee, or a dead battery in your car) to the more weighty (a sick child or parent, or worse) - it can often feel like pretty big trouble while it's happening to you. Terrorism, war, economic crises and pandemic illnesses loom large, touching some directly and all by our connection to each other.

If rubber bands can and do break, I propose that the chain of turmoil can be broken as well. It will mean breaking the habit of focusing on the negative, talking about only the bad news, the problems, the annoyances, the illnesses, the terrorists. I don't suggest we bury our heads in the sand, but each in our own way concentrate on spreading positivity and good. Support one another. Laugh when we can. Acknowledge the challenges, then begin the plan to change our individual lives and the world, bit by bit, one rubber band at a time.

Luxurious Laundry

San Lorenzo
Originally uploaded by romephotoblog

I love my washer and dryer: the supersize front-loading washing machine and the tumble dryer with upper compartment for hanging items to dry or scent them with fabric softener. The dryer even has screens that slide into the top compartment, on which to place your sweaters and whatnot, for drying items flat, per the instructions on the garment label. I rather like doing laundry - nearly instant gratification, when you consider it takes little more than an hour for the wash and dry, and a few minutes to fold.

As I was walking through Boston a few weeks ago, I spied a gigantic laundromat, well-lit and well-appointed, with so many machines and dispensers for detergents for every type of fabric imaginable - it seemed the perfect place for getting the job done. The only problem as I see it is getting your stuff there and getting it back home. I know people do this every day of the week and don't think twice about it, but for me it seems like a chore I'd avoid until the last pair of clean socks was gone. It got me thinking that every place I've ever lived has had a washer and dryer. Pretty luxurious life I've lived. Doing laundry, to me, is one of the simple pleasures of life and I'm not ashamed to admit it! I'll never take my washer and dryer for granted.

Photo courtesy of Jessica Stewart - for more from Jessica, please go to Rome Photo Blog.

Positive Spin - the Rally Cap Edition

Driving toward Boston over the weekend, I noticed a scrolling electronic road sign informing me that it was "Drowsy Driver Prevention Week". It got me thinking about all of the groups, clubs, drives, guilds, walks, marathons and other organizations for preventing, battling and fighting against diseases, afflictions, viewpoints and politicians. Of course, I agree with the good intentions behind many of these organizations; those who give money and time generously and with the intent of improving our communities should be appreciated. I'm simply pointing out that perhaps we rally for "Alert Driver Awareness" week, or something that makes you think of the circumstances in a more positive light. There's no denying there are sleepy drivers on the road and that it's a safety issue, but let's think of the glass as half (or even more!) full.

In fact, the University of Newcastle in Australia performed a study in 2007 - showing the value of emphasizing assets and attributes within a community rather than focusing solely on deficiencies.

The more I read about and practice the law of attraction, the more validity it seems to have. Some may call it the placebo effect. No matter; if you think it's real, it'll become real, whether it's fear or gratitude. Let's call it "Thank you for Staying Awake While Driving Week" or "Healthy Lungs Month" or "Protecting our Athletes' Brains Campaign". Perhaps you could come up with better catch phrases to acknowledge our assets (I encourage you do do so), but you get the message. I'd like to think we can overcome our need to fight AGAINST the negative, and rally FOR the things we prefer. Some may call it spin or even avoidance. I call it positive thinking.

Remarkable Dreams at Age 80

My Dad turned 80 this past summer and of course we threw a big party to celebrate with him. It was a wonderful backyard BBQ with family and friends; just the kind of celebration he relishes. Simple, low key and all about the people. And the hamburgers, too, but mostly about the people.

Frank's been a gifted singer pretty much all of his life - an accountant by trade, a really good athlete for fun, but always a singer by choice. He passed his love of music on to all five of us kids; we've each performed in one way or another, professionally or casually, since we were little kids. He probably still has reel-to-reel tapes of us singing around the Christmas tree back in 1966. Dad, Mom and all of us sang in the church choir at varying times; you'll still find my Dad there on Saturdays and Sundays. He sings for funerals as well - people request him because they love his ever powerful, beautiful tenor voice.

You might think of an 80-year-old man as one who sits in a chair, watching TV and talking about his various ailments, but that's not my Dad. He recently purchased a bicycle and still plays a mean game of ping-pong. The only beings he loves more than family and friends would be horses, and he'll go riding whenever there is an opportunity. But music is really his passion.

The remarkable project Dad's completing now is an album of love songs (and others) -mostly music from the 1940s. It's remarkable because he still sounds great at age 80 and still wants so much to share his music. It's remarkable to see the tender loving care he's putting into this project and the great cooperation between him and my son, Greg, as the recording engineer.

Dad has also sent his vocal demo of the National Anthem to the Red Sox, hopeful that they'll choose him for the line up for next season. He's positive and passionate about music - in his quiet way he's the perfect role model. Here's why: it's a powerful lesson to realize that an 80-year-old person can still possess the talent, the will, and the passion to make his dreams reality.

Fashion Me Red

Back in August I was browsing women's clothing catalogs online in places where I wouldn't normally shop because I'm not that cool or trendy. Understanding that the color red would be back this Fall, I felt exhilarated and eagerly anticipated adding that new red sweater or coat into my regular rotation of favorites. Red is a color that complements me and works reliably with the various black, denim or brown slacks, jeans or skirts I wear for every occasion. According to Wikipedia, the color red connotes a variety of signals including, danger, anger, communism, lust, friendship and honor. For me, red just feels good.

To my dismay, I completely misunderstood the trend. All of the new women's clothing catalogs in my mailbox and inbox are displaying sweaters, boyfriend jackets and tweeds in purple, lavender, grey and blue. There are some orange and yellow and green accents here and there, and they're very nice, but true red clothing appears to be out, for the time being. Apparently the more muted colors are reflective of our "tough economic times", according to Allan Barger of "Fashionising". I have recently sworn off the phrase "tough economic times" and still prefer Pantone 185 or 186 Red to American Beauty Rose or Burnt Sienna.

I trust that my new red sweater will turn up eventually; I can be patient.

Fully Committed

Riding down the highway the other day, I noticed a car, first because it was a brilliant yellow Mustang, which I thought was cool, and then because it had Red Sox stickers on it. (I'm a big Sox fan). Upon closer inspection (traffic was at a standstill), I saw that it was a young female driver, who obviously has a great love for the Red Sox, and for Dustin Pedroia in particular. She had the Red Sox logo on her license plate and in the center of the rear window, and the oval shaped "15" (Pedroia's number for you National League fans) sticker in the lower right corner. "MVPedroia" decorated the lower portion of the rear window, all adding up to a BIG LOVE for the very accomplished infielder.

We have a great tendency to wear our hearts on our sleeves, as it were, for sports teams and causes, our country or our candidate. I recommend that each of us be even more committed to ourselves. Not for selfish reasons, but to be better people, for ourselves and for those around us. It brings to mind the safety instructions on airplanes: the flight attendants remind us, in case of emergency, to put on our own oxygen masks before helping others.

It's simple - if you're going to do it, be fully committed.

You Can Achieve Your Dreams - Ask Kathleen Hassan!

I recently had tea with my oldest friend, Kathleen Hassan, a respected motivational speaker, author and confidence coach. Growing up in South Weymouth, MA, Kathleen and I were neighbors at age five and remained friends through elementary school. While we travelled in separate groups through high school and college, we reconnected when our then boyfriends (themselves long-time friends) were roommates. Our life parallels from that point on quickly add up: we became engaged to those “boyfriends” then married (in the same church), purchased our first homes (in the same town) and each had two sons in quick succession. Twenty eight years later we remain fast friends, catching up whenever we can in person, by email, or on Facebook. I happily consider Kathleen one of my most loyal friends in the world.

I wanted to ask Kathleen about her enthusiastic quest to refine and reach her goals and her willingness to share her personal story to help people, especially teen girls, be their best.

E: Kathleen, you are my oldest and funniest friend. How am I doing so far?

K: Besides using the adjective “oldest” to describe me – you’re doing great!

E: At what point in your life did you realize you have a gift for helping people see their inner light? And please explain the term “inner light”.

K: When I was four years old, I knew I had a gift to be on stage and entertain. I used to star in garage shows and perform up on my dad’s workbench. I have an old, yellowed newspaper clipping from the time I donated my proceeds from a garage show to the South Shore Hospital. I was a philanthropist long before I could ever spell it! It wasn’t until many years later after embarking on a healing journey towards my own self-discovery that I understood that my purpose in life was to be a light for others. To me the term “inner light” refers to our highest and best self, that source of unlimited potential that is within everyone just waiting to be unearthed.

E: Can you name a couple of ways in which your own adolescence shaped the direction of your career as a motivator and confidence coach?

K: My dad died when I was ten years old and then my mother died when I was sixteen. I grew up hard and fast and made so many mistakes along the way just trying to fit in and looking for love in all the wrong places. But those challenges were the very things that set me on my quest for discovering the purpose for my life. I was on a mission to find out if there was more to life than pain and suffering. Once I discovered that within each of us lies the power to create a life we love, I was on fire to share these universal laws of success. I learned that it is not what happens, but how we respond that determines the quality of our life. I also learned that not everyone was aware of these success strategies and I modeled my career after some of the greatest motivational speakers and thinkers on the planet – the ones who had taught me how to unleash my own potential and shine my inner light. There are others, but uppermost in my mind now are Og Mandino, Jack Canfield and Zig Ziglar.

E: I know you speak in front of corporate groups and other adult-oriented programs, but you have a special focus on programs for teen girls. Why do you feel that group needs special attention?

K: As hard as I had it, growing up without parents, I believe that young women today have so many additional societal pressures on them to be “all that.” They are bombarded constantly in the media with unrealistic images and illusions of perfection. Reality TV has glamorized sex and drugs and over the top consumerism to the point that girls don’t have a clue who they are inside and they get their sense of self externally by having all the right “stuff”. These pressures can lead to drug and alcohol abuse, cutting, eating disorders and sexual promiscuity. The good news is that with a change of attitude and good coaching/therapy, (healing can happen when you stop blaming) these same girls can learn to shine their own inner light!
It’s a beautiful transformation and I feel so blessed to be able to help just one person.

E: Kathleen, I know that family is always uppermost in your mind and I’m happy to note here that you have two sons, each living his dream, working at a job he loves. Undoubtedly your philosophy of positivity and the power of choice helped guide Dan’s career in graphic design and Alex’s being drafted into the Red Sox farm system. Obviously, excellent coaching by their calm and collected Dad, Dave, had a positive effect on your young men as well. My question here is: do you continue the discussions with your sons about how they can consistently use positivity and the law of attraction to realize their goals?

K: Oh my God yeah… to the point where they roll their eyes and say “Mom, I get it!” And the fact that they get it is by far the greatest accomplishment I could ever achieve in my entire lifetime. The lessons that I had to learn the hard way are the things that have helped my sons stand head and shoulders above the crowd. They are both extraordinary young men and I am so incredibly proud to be their mother.

For more about Kathleen or to contact her,
please click: Kathleen Hassan is Your Confidence Coach

Utility Work Ahead

Utility Work Ahead. That is the sign that's been a beacon amidst the dust and roadwork outside my door for the last couple of days. Sweaty workers wearing safety orange vests and hardhats, driving heavy machinery and making noise. A great deal of noise. In fact, they were setting up at seven a.m. and are still working now, at 5:30 p.m. These men (they are all men, as far as I can tell) know they have to finish the job in a timely fashion and, accepting that, just keep working. When it comes to the basics: water, gas, electricity, people won't tolerate outages for long and the utility companies know this.

We should all think this way, whether it is laundry or homework, customer service or learning lines from Shakespeare. If we've chosen this job, whatever it is, we're obligated to get it done the best way we know how and on time. It's better still if we can enjoy the process. Even if the job is to find a new job. Utility work ahead.

It's About Connections

My strength is in nurturing connections. I am a great supporter of people who value connections and see the worth of others. Really, it's what makes the world work better and we can all do more of it. Sharing ideas and connections makes us better people - there is plenty of (fill in the blank) to go around and our reason for being on this earth is to make it a better place, to be thoughtful and honest as individuals.

It may be a family member, co-worker, neighbor, the person behind you at the cashier. It's just a small effort, but say hello, ask about their day, hold a door open, or let someone cut in front of you in traffic. Pretty simple stuff to show that you care. And if you don't care, fake it at first. Eventually, you'll find that it makes your day a little bit nicer.

I had an uncomfortable conversation with someone today, a new connection, who perhaps needs a gentle nudge to understand that sharing your toys, your ideas, or your connections can be valuable. I feel that underneath, he recognizes the concept, but perhaps needs more time to implement.

Trust yourself and trust others - make connections - you'll make the world a better place, a little bit each day.